R.I.P.: ~akiba-pop's TABLET, 200? - 2009

YOU'LL BE REPLACED SOON THOUGH

1. One of these days I'm going to have a nightmare about my long-overdue wisdom teeth, starring Doctor Barber. Although to be honest he's not quite as terrifying as he was the first time I saw him, his unsettling visage combined with the "hmmmmhmmmm yeeesssss" and "SURRRRGERRYYYYY" just hajdhsdgsh (plus the gums-to-teeth ratio. YOU TOO, PEPPERMINT LARRY).

That's kind of like the best thing about the show -- I mean, every episode is packed with pure, unadulterated Nightmare Fuel, yet not a hint of it appears in the opening, or the designs for the three protagonists. It's a show about an adorable child who wants to find an island made of candy. Yet it's full of terror, madness, and frightening imagery, just to fuck with us.

Not to mention I kind of want to brofist Cartoon Network after seeing just how little you have to do to sneak alcoholism past the censors. K'NUCKLES WHY DO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH oh yeah it's because grumpy douchebags who have occasional moments of niceness are the best ever. But I also have massive love for Bubbie just for being so sensible and not a terrible person like basically everyone else on the show. You know? Like, some other cartoons have every single character being ~*~wacky~*~ and ~*~insane~*~ and, dude, all you need is just ONE normal, mentally stable straight man to point out how fucked up everyone is. We won't thank less of you, really! Honestly! It's a thankless role, but a necessary one so we can come for air periodically whilst dealing with the rest of the dysfunctional derp-parade of a cast (awesome though they may be).

I love how easy it is to tell the animators apart. You can totally tell when Pen Ward animated something because everyone looks all wall-eyed and deranged for a minute. The skymaid was particularly obvious.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND THOSE "WEDGIES" or whatever they're called, the flapjack shorts that aired on cartoon network i saw sea sick but i neeeed themmmm alllll

2. On a non-Flapjack-related note, I fiiiinally watched the Foster's finale. It was. uh. underwhelming. I'M SORRY FOSTER'S. That classy exit with the credits was pretty wibble-inducing, but the episode itself was just one of those EVERYONE (OR JUST BLOO) IS PANICKED ABOUT SOMETHING BUT IT TURNS OUT TO BE JUST A BIG HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING ones. Then again, I'm not sure what they should have done, since, uh, it's not like the characters know the show is ending... although they didn't exactly shy away from breaking the fourth wall, I lol'd at the shark-jumping bit, but still. I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO SEE MORE ~TOUCHING MOMENTS~ OR SOMETHING I GUESS or some... tying up of loose ends, or revealing of bits of history, or Mac and Bloo being bffs? I know that was kind of the majority of the episode, but really it was just Bloo screeching at everyone.

The part where he contemplated killing Mac so he couldn't move away, though. I just. lmfao what the fuck Bloo. What the fuck.

3. ALSO. So I looked in the mirror last night, as I generally do. lalalala yeeeaahhh boyyyee lookin' goo-- wait what are those

LAUGH LINES? WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT? NO NO NONON ON OKGHGONNOOOOO HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

I looked online and the reigning answer seems to be YOUR FACE IS DRY, MOISTURIZE THAT SHIT so that's what I'm doing. New plan: moisturize like eight thousand times a day and drink water like the wind. DRINKING WATER IS A CHORE BECAUSE EVERY OTHER BEVERAGE except most kinds of tea, and coffee, gross IS SO MUCH BETTER BUT YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

If these barely perceptible even up close yet nonetheless distressing beginnings of wrinkles aren't just a byproduct of dry skin (or cracks in my foundation which they probably are but overreacting is my favorite thing to do :T), what's next? Don't I get a few more years of being a smooth and sparkling youth, universe? Am I going to wake up completely gray tomorrow? Or maybe with arthritis? WHAT ADVENTURES IN PREMATURE AGING AWAIT ME? ಠ_ಠ