STUFF

1) So, I have noticed that I seem to be an oddball in fandom.

Okay, so fandom is obsessed with sex, right? And everyone wants to see their favorite characters doin' it.

Except for me that is total cognitive dissonance. I prefer to think of my favorite fictional people as being amorphous sexless beings. Okay not really, but I just don't want to see it. It's just weird, like hearing graphic details of your best friend's love life. I like you, and you're cool, but stop it that is TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

Apparently I live in some bizarro backwards land where the more I like you, the less I want to see you naked, and the more I will snark about your dubious mental capabilities. If you're fictional, that is.

In other words, DO NOT WANT. Apparently I am a fandom asexual.

And this is not because I do not like any physically attractive fictional characters OKAY

1a) OH I've been looking at a bunch of characters lately and thinking HEY THEY'D BE FUN TO COSPLAY.

Cosplay is totally dorky, but, come on. You get to wear wacky hair colors. Crossdressing is encouraged. Aside from the legendary confunk (SHOWERS, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU TAKE THEM?) that is just win-win.

Not speaking of which, more people need to cosplay Foster's. And South Park. And Ratatouille. And everything else I like (aside from the ones where the outfits are so normal no one would know who you're supposed to be. Pushing Daisies has some weird ones? idk). But, come on. Pixar finally makes a movie with major human characters and I'm seeing the expected animutization-desu, but not nearly enough cosplaying. You can just buy the costumes online or something! I thought people would be ALL OVER not having to sew shit. Maybe that's just me because I cannot sew. And when I say I want to learn, I really mean I want to have already learned. I am like that with everything.

Though I have seen some Japanese girls cosplay Linguini, which is simultaneously fucking hilarious and totally adubs. IT'S PRECIOUS I mean they are probably like 5'1". Awwww. Japanese people look silly with red hair. I'm just sorry I had to be the one to say it.

1ac (see because it is related to 2a but not to 2b)) I SAW THIS MONTEL SHOW ABOUT ASEXUALITY (real-life asexuality) and it kinda blew my mind. Everyone is all "HURRR HOW CAN U NOT HAS SEX" and Montel is all "Why don't you go to the doctor but I'm not saying you're broke and need to be fixed lol!" um YES YOU ARE MONTEL JUST LET THEM HAVE HAPPY CELIBATE RELATIONSHIPS IN PEACE FOR FUCK'S SAKE

lol get it because fuck

anyway

2) Have you ever seen a show called Show Dog Moms and Dads?

It is like the (satirical) movie Best in Show, only for real. WE HAVE A ROSTER OF THE FOLLOWING:

-A couple, six dogs, Australian Shepherdish, and oh yeah they also have a human son too but he's not that important judging by the mom's introducing all six dogs in order first with him as an afterthought. He also does dog showing with their dogs but sucks at it and clearly is miserable.

-A woman with German Shepherds, one of those people who got a dog because they couldn't have kids and treats their dogs like they are kids. I guess they just ignore the thing where dogs poop in the yard and (well-trained) kids don't? I dunno.

-Two flamboyant (THEY HAVE A DOG NAMED LIBERACE YOU GUYS) gay dudes with tiny dogs who they dress up in tutus, you know, as gay men do, and fight all the time, as gay men do. Check it out:

"They went to Chicago to attend a trade show for Ryan's company, 'High Maintenance Bitch' ..."

Seriously? Seriously? I mean it's cool that you've got a gay couple on there and all, but... you know, I was going to say something about walking stereotypes, but these are CRAZY DOG PEOPLE. They are all walking stereotypes.

-A lady with a weimeraner named "Chalcy" (the dog, not the lady) who has a weird way of talking (the lady, not the dog) that is impossible to describe. Maybe Chalcy is a misspelling of Chelsea because she overemphasizes all her vowels like they are the last ones she will ever say.

It is RIVETING and full of drama. I don't know how these people don't realize just how easy they are making it. STOP MAKING DOG OWNERS LOOK BAD :[

the end

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